Julie Hanks: Setting Boundaries with People

Boundary = Relationship Rule

0:46 to 1:18

Five Tips for setting healthy boundaries:

1. Value Yourself
because when we value something we protect it.
its really important to go, "I matter".
"what I want, how I feel, what I think matters".
frame it as you would if you are making a decision for your husband, or your children, because we're often more protective of those we love.

2. Tune Into Your Emotions & Thoughts
our emotions and our thoughts are like a compass to guide us.
who we want to spend more time with, who we want to stay away from.
we need to really tune into that to guide us in our relationships.
its important to tune into that and use that as clues.
if i am really uncomfortable i might need to set a stronger boundary here.
you could say 'i know u care about me but i'd love your advice when i ask for it. that would be really appreciated.'
i know you care about me, but this is my boundary. 
its ok to stand up for urself.

3. Be Specific.
don't generalise.
i'd rather have specific feedback if i hurt someone or i overstepped a boundary.
i wanna know.

4. Be Firm & Kind.
we can be firm & kind at the same time.
u can be firm without attacking them.
its ok to be intense.

5. Back Up Verbal Requests With Behaviour.
sometimes u need to really back it up consistently with behaviour.
**7:22... its because we're not taking a stand.
like saying 'stop' and lets go into the other room or walk away from a situation, sometimes silence actually is the best, we don't always have to have the words.