Jillz Guerin: A REALISTIC Guide to Living a SOFTER LIFE *how I got my life back*

A REALISTIC Guide to Living a SOFTER LIFE 

1. Spending more on ease.

You might need to re-examine your relationship with money, and your relationship to your self-worth.

If you want to start living a softer life, then you need to remember that prioritising your ease and your comfort, and spending a little bit of money on that is not always a bad thing.

2. You don't need to do everything yourself.

Doing everything yourself doesn't make you a better person.

It's a very valuable skill to be able to ask for help when it's needed.

If you feel overwhelmed, ask for help, hire help, try to take something off your plate.

You don't get a medal for doing the most.

3. Efficiency and impact, is more important than hours worked.

Drop the struggle.

4. Start seeing the beauty in the journey.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

5. You don't have to know everything.

I don't have to have an opinion about everything going on in the world.

I don't need to have a thought about everything.

It can get really overwhelming.

If you want to cultivate more of the soft life, let your brain chill.

6. You are in control of your life.

If you're at a social function, and you don't want to be there any more, you can leave.

Living a soft life means taking control of your life, and prioritising what's important to you, and what brings you peace, and you are the only person who can do that.

7. Cycle Syncing

Syncing your life to your cycle.

I don't force myself to be the same everyday.

I don't force myself to show up the same everyday, because that is entirely unrealistic, and all it's gonna do is burn you out.

We need balance to have that peace and ease in our life.

8. Don't let the good things make you feel uncomfortable.

We self-sabotage our own happiness and our own inner peace.

Being comfortable and familiar with things being easy, and almost start expecting things to be easy.

Teal Swan: The Most Important Element of Compatibility in Relationships

Compatibility is when two things are able to exist or occur in a state of harmony and without conflict.
But the most important element of compatibility is workability or lack thereof.
The most important part of accessing compatibility is to figure out what is and what isn’t workable.
When something is workable, it is flexible, it’s negotiable, it’s pliable, it’s adaptable, it can be influenced, folded, or changed, so that it produces the desired effects or the desired results.
Some things about us and our life are unworkable like solid steel, and they need to be that way for the sake of our well-being and other things are workable like modelling clay and they need to be for the sake of our well-being.

Because all people are different, one person might exhibit workability relative to something whereas another person can’t be workable relative to that same thing.

Workability and lack thereof doesn’t only apply to romantic partnerships, it applies to other relationships as well such as friendships, and work relationships, and family relationships, etc.

Knowing what is and what is not workable about you is the most important part of accessing compatibility, because these areas of unworkability are what causes extreme disharmony in a relationship, and they are what breaks a relationship apart.

Teal Swan: How Your Values Can Ruin Your Life

Baked into every value is a positive and a negative potential. 

And this means that a person's deepest value can become their greatest weakness, in fact it can become their very downfall.

Every person's got a con with their name written on it.

There's a perfect con out there for every person on this Earth.

That perfect con will always involve your top values.

Each value might have several potential upsides, and several potential downsides.

All of these things things in life, including your values, come with shadows potentially.

Teal Swan: A Romantic Relationship Is NOT All There Is

Teal Swan: Why You Should Throw The Idea of Work Life Balance Out the Window

Teal Swan: Underrated Tool For Self-Awareness

Teal Swan: Urgent! Deal With Your Resistance Before You Do Anything Else

8: 07
If we haven’t created the life that we want to create, there must be an aspect of ourselves that is actually in opposition to it.

Remember, If you aren’t getting anywhere with something, it’s because there is resistance involved.

Zoom out to see the resistance and resolve it in whatever way you can.

Everyone experiences resistance.

Teal Swan: There is No Such Thing as The Fear of Success

Teal Swan

Reality

How Your Values Can Ruin Your Life

Meet Your Needs!

Toxic Positivity: Why 'Good Vibes Only' is Hurting You

How To Be Authentic

How To Stop Caring What Other People Think

The Secret to Self Awareness - Becoming Aware of the WHY

How To Overcome Shame

There is No Such Thing as The Fear of Success

Urgent! Deal With Your Resistance Before You Do Anything Else

The Most Important Element of Compatibility in Relationships

Underrated Tool For Self-Awareness

A Romantic Relationship Is NOT All There Is

Why You Should Throw The Idea of Work Life Balance Out the Window

Teal Swan: Meet Your Needs!

Get in touch with what you want, and with what you need.

In increments throughout the day, it is a good idea to pause and ask yourself, “What do I need right now, or what do I want right now?”, and let yourself go get that thing.

Not meeting your needs is a great way to become greedy.

No need is too childish.

The result of satiating the inner child's need, is that the inner child grows up.

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When you are in the space of thinking you don’t need anyone or anything, you are too afraid to be vulnerable. and so you don’t ask for what you need.
And so, the subconscious runs the show.

What if we actually need to need each other?

Select people, and surround yourself with people whose needs are met by meeting your needs. 

Let the people who have conflicting needs gravitate away from you.

That's how the world is supposed to work anyways.

Letting yourself have what you need is food for the soul.

Teal Swan: How To Overcome Shame

Ask yourself, “How is this thing I disapprove of good”?

Why is it that we need so badly to be good?

People who experience shame have a very strong conscience.
People who have a high level of conscience adhere to strong morals.
You are a person who is not going to deliberately harm other people.

Maybe there is a deeper reason.
Maybe you didn’t come here to fit into those standards in the first place.
Maybe if you had been able to fit in to those standards, our society would have no hope of evolving at all.

The Secret to Self Awareness - Becoming Aware of the WHY

Teal Swan: How To Stop Caring What Other People Think

To validate yourself, you need to acknowledge the truth of your own internal experience.

If we are hurt by what someone else thinks, it means that there is already a sore there.

That sore or that wound within us is a vibrational match to injury, because it is an injury.

Other people’s opinions are hitting up against a pre-existant bruise.

This is an unhealed wound from childhood.

We want to work with our particularly strong emotional reactions.

Using them as a rope to access the original wound.

And when you do that they disappear in your adult life.

Shift your attention from what someone said or did, to how you feel.

Write a list of the things that you approve of about yourself.

Would you rather be right or be happy?

We want to use this as a way of understanding why people do the things that they do, as a way of facilitating compassion.

Practice the art of letting the mud settle.

The window is wide open to self-healing and to integration.

Our reactivity level will go down.

Teal Swan: How To Be Authentic

How To Be Authentic

Is there any incongruence between my outer self and my inner self?

Being conscious of those incongruences.

The biggest adversary to authenticity is not pretending, it is denial.

We have to face and work with what is real about us. And real includes both sides of the spectrum - positive and negative.

Accept what is real about yourself, regardless of whether you judge it as good or bad.

The heart of being authentic is to be vulnerable.

We are not validated for our emotions.

Understand emotions better.

Truth and illusion both are real.

Get into the habit of objective viewing.

Anything you do that makes you more self-aware is a step in the direction of authenticity.

Jillz Guerin: 6 Productivity Hacks to Live a SOFTER LIFE 💖

6 Productivity Hacks to Live a SOFTER LIFE

Often times it's these productivity hacks that enable us to live that softer life in the first place.

I feel much happier of a woman, and much more connected to my feminine energy, when I try to prioritise softer living.

That doesn't mean that there aren't moments or phases in my life where that hustle and grind is needed.

And that is ok. There is nothing wrong with that. We all go through different ebbs and flows in life.

However, there are little ways that we can add more softness and ease to our life regardless.

1. A good mood changes everything.

Realising that a good mood changes everything.

Creating peace and ease in those little moments.

Being grateful for the day.

When you wake up every single morning, encourage yourself to feel joy, and do everything you can to feel those happy feelings.

Whatever we focus on is what we think about, and whatever we think about is how we feel.

You have to make feeling joy a part of your job.

When you start doing this, no matter what phase you're at in your life, you will start to create a softer life for yourself.

Not every day will be rainbows and sunshine, and that is ok, but when you actively try to put yourself in a good mood every day, when we actively choose our thoughts, and choose good thoughts, instead of letting our fears and anxieties take over, that's when everything starts to shift, that's when everything in our life becomes easier.

It you truly want a softer life, it starts in your internal world.

It starts with cultivating inner happiness right now.

2. Prioritising and cultivating good health.

Good health affects everything.

When you are healthy, your creativity flows so much more naturally.

It just comes when you are on a walk, or having breakfast, and that makes things so much easier.

If you don't have your health, it feels like you have nothing.

It trickles over into every single aspect of your life.

Prioritise your health. Find real joy and love and meaning in taking care of yourself.

3. Identify what are the priorities, that actually move the needle.

We really have to be honest with ourselves, and identify what are the priorities.

Pareto principle. The 80/20 rule.

Most of the outcomes in our life, come from a small portion of what we actually do.

Focus on the things in your life that give you real benefit.

Don't spread yourself too thin.

What are the major things that get the outcome you want?

Trim the rest.

Don't overwhelm yourself with little tasks that don't really matter and don't really do much for you.

4. Do things once when it's applicable.

Do things once while you are already at it, so you can do less later.

5. Create systems for yourself, so things don't ever get too out of control.

Don't let things get out of hand.

It's these little tiny systems that enable that to happen.

When things get out of hand or too disorganised or too overwhelming, that's when things start to feel stressful and heavy.

 

6. You can replace the word discipline with devotion.

Devotion to taking care of yourself.

Devotion is a much softer way of looking at it.

It took devotion to take action on something that I wasn't yet getting results from.

Creating that soft life sometimes means having discipline.

Think about it as devotion.

Michelle Gia: how to not take things personally as a sensitive person

How to not take things personally

1. Not everybody is like you.

Different people have different behaviours.

Different people react to things differently than you do.

And these behaviours and reactions say more about their character than it does about yours.

Most times it has nothing to do with you.

2. Not everything is about you.

Understanding that not everything is about you.

People most times are focused on what they are doing.

Everyone is going through their own thing.

Everyone is looking out for their best interest.

Most times they are projecting their bad days onto you, their insecurities onto you.

3. Know yourself.

If you know what you're good at, your strengths and your skills, no matter what people say, that's not going to diminish any of that. 

Being confident in what you know, and understanding your strengths and weaknesses.

Sometimes when people say mean things, they have a point.

Accepting we have problems is the first step in solving those problems.

Psych2Go: 5 Tips You Should Know if You're an Empath

5 Tips You Should Know

1. It's ok to have a little "me-time".

If you are constantly surrounded by people, and feeling their emotions, it can take a lot of energy out of you.

Just remember to take a break from people every now and then.

2. Be Slippery.

This means to let the emotions others put on you to slide right off.

If someone's emotions are overpowering make sure you acknowledge that.

3. Make sure you centre yourself.

Grounding yourself will help you clear your head and heart.

 

4. Differentiate.

Once you recognise that these emotions are not your own, you can let them run free and move on.

5. Avoid "Energy Suckers".

Try to minimise your time spent around them.

Psych2Go: How To Stop People Pleasing

We all like being well-liked. But if your desire of being liked costs you your needs and well-being, maybe it's time to ask yourself why.

You are just as important as any other person, and should dedicate the same amount of care and effort towards yourself.

1. Validate Yourself.

Basing your self-worth off of someone else's opinions can harm your self-esteem.

When your worth is determined by others, you can lose control of who you are.

Take some time to reflect on yourself with interest, curiosity, and respect.

When you learn how to separate what others say about you from what you think, you can have more confidence and draw validation from yourself.

2. Say No.

Maybe you avoid it because you don't want them to feel bad.

But saying no doesn't always mean you'll face a bad outcome.

Sometimes a little bit of authenticity goes a long way.

3. Take Time For Yourself.

It's ok to tell them, 'Let me get back to you'.

Many events are not urgent.

Remind yourself that it's ok to take some time to decide.

This phrase allows you to check in with yourself, or check with your schedule to make the best choice.

4. Know Where You're Going.

Take some time out of your week to evaluate or re-evaluate your short-term and long-term goals.

Questions you could ask yourself could include:

Where do I want to be in five years?

What am I doing right now to get there?

Doing so will help you narrow down the scope of things you agree to do, and help you say no to things that might not help you move closer to your goals.

5. Remove Toxic People From Your Life.

A toxic person is someone who does not respect your values and boundaries.

They overlook or overstep their lines, whether it's by asking you for things you are uncomfortable with, or that goes against your values, or simply by expecting that you'll make an exception for them.

Stay away from someone like this.

6. Stop Apologising.

Take some time and pause before apologising.

Before you say sorry, stop and ask yourself, 'Have I actually done something wrong here?'

Taking this time to think critically can make sure that you're not undermining yourself too much.

It's a gift to want to be of service, and not an inconvenience to others. But remember you are not beholden to other people's demands.

Lavendaire: Travel Packing Tips | How to Pack a Carry-On

Teal Swan: Reality

Reality (and why it is so important to face it)

There is such a thing as physical reality and non-physical reality.

Reality is beyond what an organism can perceive.

Objective reality is the amalgamation of every subjective reality.

Grasping objective reality is dependent upon you being able to expand your perception and perspective wide enough to accommodate all subjective realities.

In order to get beyond subjective reality, you have to transcend beyond "I".

You have to be able to accommodate all subjective perspectives. Not just "yours".

We have to differentiate between objective reality and a consensus reality.

Both objective reality and subjective reality are actually really valid and important levels of reality.

We are trying to integrate subjective and objective reality.

Objective reality is a co-creation.

Objective reality must accommodate for contradictory truths. Because this Universe is multi-dimensional.

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A truth that exists at one dimension of this Universe doesn't exist at another.

The objective reality is this Universe is: Death exists. It also doesn't exist.

The main goal of awakening is to become more and more aware.
The capacity to present and hold contradictory information.
Free will is only possible with genuine awareness.

Our perspective must become more and more accommodating.
That includes accommodating of the truth that all of us must accept that we don’t know, what we don’t know.

Your only access of power is by accepting reality.

It's only if we see the reality that our petrol gauge in our car is empty, that we can stop and fill it up with petrol.

You can only make a genuine change from inside reality.

Intentional and conscious creation of reality has a place in your life and in your spiritual practice. However it should never replace your commitment to seeing objective reality, and subjective reality.

You can continue to alter, and continue to expand your subjective reality.

There's a lot of ideas floating around the spiritual community that there is somehow some contradiction between awareness, and creating your own reality.
These are the concepts that need to be integrated.

We need to be willing to create our own reality, at the same time as have complete awareness.

So face reality. It’s not a contradiction to creating your reality.

Thewizardliz: This video will make you confident

Theodore Roosevelt Quote

Jillz Guerin: How To Be a SOFTER WOMAN *without losing who you are*

How To Be a SOFTER WOMAN *without losing who you are*

1. You first have to start within.

You have to start being soft to yourself, and have a soft inner dialogue.

When you change the internal, the external naturally comes along with it.

How are you speaking to yourself?

Create that inner softness within.

2. Let down your defences.

Do you get defensive easily?

To be a softer woman, you need to be able to let down these defences sometimes.

Get into the mindset that you don't need to prove anything to anyone, and that you are loved because of who you are.

3. Embrace vulnerability.

You should be able to open up, and show that emotion.

Not being afraid to show these emotions is one way that we soften.

A soft woman embraces these waves of emotions, and lets herself feel grief, or anger, or overwhelm, or happiness, or joy, or excitement, or whatever it is, and isn't afraid to let it out.

We don't need to hide our emotions.

Letting that vulnerability come through sometimes is one way that we soften.

4. Slow down.

Not everything is a race, and not everything is about achievements and hustle.

You don't have to rush.

This allows your nervous system to relax a bit, and feel more calm, and centred.

Be present in the task that you are doing.

Slowing down and being present will automatically make you feel like a softer woman.

5. Soften your body.

Your body and your mind are interconnected.

What happens in the mind, happens in the body, and vice-versa.

Let your body relax.

6. Conflict doesn't need to be tense.

Conflict can actually be a very healthy thing sometimes.

Challenge yourself to soften.

It is doable.

It's usually just someone feeling hurt.

7. Have empathy for others.

We do have to have boundaries, but it's good and healthy to have empathy for others.

You can see that any sort of unnecessary lashing out at you, it oftentimes boils down to a feeling of hurt or pain, and it's a reflection of something going on within themselves.

8. You have to be able to trust.

Trust that life is working out for you.

Trust that God or Universe is on your side, and is protecting you.

A lot of this hardness comes from a feeling of unsafety.

To live your happiest best life, you have to learn when to let go.

You have to learn when to surrender.

You have to learn to trust.

Sometimes not trying to control everything is one of the most powerful things that you can do, and this trust, this surrender is what's really gonna bring this softness out of you.