5 Steps to Recovery from Codependency : Counselor Carl

"I will no longer be a people pleaser. Instead, I will be a people respecter, including respecting my own needs and feelings."

5 Steps to Recovery from Codependency:

1. I must overcome denial that keeps me trapped in doing the same unhelpful mindless behaviours over and over without ever asking myself, 'Why am I doing these things?'.

A basic truth of emotional healing is that you cannot fix a problem that you deny.

2. I must educate myself about codependency and what makes healthy relationships healthy. I must understand the skills and beliefs that produce healthy relationships so I have a vision of where I want to go.

3. I must become familiar with my codependent patterns by observing them until I can see them clearly, and thus, am ready to take steps toward healthy changes in my relationships.

Mindfulness means intentionally and non judgmentally being open to the present moment with an attitude of curiosity.

4. I must feel the fear and shame and do it anyway - the fear that if I take care of myself in a relationship, then I will be rejected and abandoned, the shame that if I say 'no' or ask for what I want then I'm being selfish.

5. Progress not Perfection.

7 Tips for Dating After Being Hurt: Be a Shopper Not a Seller : Counselor Carl

1. Be a shopper, not a seller!

So, be a shopper, not a seller, and keep looking until you find someone who brings benefits to your life rather than problems.

2. Healthy relationships are created through respectful negotiation, which requires skills, such as assertiveness, setting boundaries, and conflict resolution.

It takes two people to build a healthy relationship, so both you and a potential partner must possess healthy relationship skills, or at least be willing to learn them.

You must shop for a partner who possesses the skills for creating a healthy relationship, and you must be that person as well.

3. Do not ignore red flags, which are behaviours that indicate a person is incapable of being a healthy partner.

4. Get to know the person over time and in many situations, so you can observe all sides of a potential partner.

5. Ask lots of questions, listen carefully, and see if the other person does the same because it's a positive sign if you both are shoppers.

6. Do not avoid conflicts!

7. Be a shopper, not a seller!

Inner Child Therapy: Reparenting the Inner Child : Counselor Carl

To heal your wounded child and become whole, you must bridge the gulf that separates the Adult from the Wounded Child, which means your Adult must love, nurture, and protect your Inner Child, which is called "Reparenting the Wounded Child".

Counselor Carl

I. Mindfulness & Self-Care

1. Mindfulness: I Am Not My Thoughts

2. Mindfulness: Paying Attention to Your Life [<3]

3. Self-Care = Self Esteem = Stress Management [<3]

4. 12 Essential Quotes for Healing, Recovery, and Good Mental Health

5. Cinematherapy Part 1: Three Movies for Healing and Growth

II. Inner Child Healing

1. Inner Child Therapy: Reparenting the Inner Child

2. Inner Child Work and Healing: Resolving Inner Conflicts [<3]

III. Emotional Health

1. Emotional Intelligence: Types of Emotions

2. Emotional Intelligence: Maturity vs Immaturity [<3]

3. Emotional Intelligence: Control and Responsibility [<3<3<3]

4. 5 Stages of Grief and the Grieving Process

5. Emotional Intelligence, Grief, and Two Kinds of Emotional Pain [<3<3]

6. Grief, Loss, and Grieving from the Inside Out [<3<3]

7. 12 Suggestions for Dealing with Grief and Loss [<3 <3]

IV. Relationships & Boundaries

1. Communication Skills and Conflict Resolution in Healthy Relationships [<3<3<3]

2. Setting Boundaries for Healthy Relationships [<3<3]

3. 12 Tips for Setting Healthy Boundaries

4. Assertiveness and the Four Communication Styles

5. 5 Steps to Recovery from Codependency

6. 7 Tips for Dating After Being Hurt: Be a Shopper Not a Seller

To overcome fears (for eg. fear of failure)

1. Set smaller goals.

2. Be open to help (family member, friend, mentor/coach, co-worker, ...).

3. Acknowledge and celebrate your successes.

4. Your worth lies in God. Be open to God's love and God's help.

5. Be grateful.

Inner Child Work and Healing: Resolving Inner Conflicts : Counselor Carl

Resolving Inner Conflicts:

Thoughts from the Adult Brain are flexible and based on what's actually happening in the here and now.
Thoughts from the Wounded Child Brain are rigid and based on past pain in the form of simple stimulus/response and fight or flight.

I helped him weed out the distorted stories of the Wounded Child Brain from the accurate stories of his Adult Brain, so he can see situations more clearly, and then make better decisions for himself.

2:56 to 4:25

"What advice would you give your best friend?"

Communication Skills and Conflict Resolution in Healthy Relationships : Counselor Carl

Where my needs and your needs overlap, we are in agreement. However, in areas where my needs and your needs do not overlap, there is a potential for conflict, which must be negotiated.

So, conflict is not the problem. In fact, it is inevitable. The problem is when two people do not know how to resolve differences.

Four essential skills for healthy conflict resolution:
1. Skillful Expression

2. Skillful Listening

3. Creative Problem Solving

4. Responsible Follow Through

How To Be Healthy & Fit Year Round: Tips You NEED To Know! : Cambria Joy

How To Be Healthy & Fit Year Round: Tips You NEED To Know!:

- Get outside.

- Metabolism drink.

- Workout buddy.

- Live life balanced.

- Take care of you.
 (You have a soul and you have a heart.)

Your body is a God-given gift. So care for it like one.

How Recovering People-Pleasers Can Discover What They Really Want : tiny buddha

How Recovering People-Pleasers Can Discover What They Really Want

Begin by considering one of your social systems: your romantic relationship, your workplace, your church, your family. Then, ask yourself: “What would I do differently if I weren’t a part of this system?”

Previously unacknowledged desires emerge when you extricate yourself from the pressures and influences of your system.

Years ago, when I first did this exercise, I wrote in my journal, “What would I do differently if I weren’t in a relationship with my partner?” I was amazed as my hand flew across the page, scribbling: “Sign up for a dance class! Go out with friends more! Sleep in on Sundays!”

My answers helped me realize that I was suffocating my own desires out of fear of my partner’s reactions. What I really wanted was right there on the page. Having this list enabled me to consider how I might carve out more space for my own desires within my relationship.

Cinematherapy Part 1: Three Movies for Healing and Growth : Counselor Carl

What's a Healthy Romantic Relationship?!? : Kati Morton

Neediness vs Needs | Kati Morton

I first want to acknowledge that we all have needs, every one of us.

We have physical needs. We also have emotional needs.

We have to do the work to get them filled.

How To Make Boring Tasks FUN!

1. Focus on the rewards that are gonna come from this experience.
Intrinsic rewards: intangibles, emotional feelings that are important to you, values you find important.
Extrinsic rewards: tangible stuff.
Intrinsic motivators are always more powerful than extrinsic.
Think about it 80-20.
80% intrinsic rewards.
20% extrinsic rewards.
Balance them out for yourself.
Come up with 2 extrinsic rewards you'll get by staying focused and accomplishing this boring task, and 8 intrinsic rewards.

2. Fixed mindset.
Growth mindset.

3. Game of five.

https://jairekrobbins.com/how-to-make-boring-tasks-fun/
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Extrinsic rewards:
1. Move closer to getting a job, earning money.
2. Celebrate with spouse.

Intrinsic rewards:
1. Feel freedom
2. Feel happy
3. Feel grateful
4. Feel empowered
5. Feel accomplished
6. Feel fueled
7. Feel movement
8. Live true to my values
9. Feel balanced
10. Feel disciplined

How to Stop Wasting Time - 5 Useful Time Management Tips : Thomas Frank

How to Stop Wasting Time - 5 Useful Time Management Tips

1. Time tracking.

2. Know your priorities.

When I'm on my death bed, will I regret not doing this?

3. Batch your tasks.

Any and all errands (if you have to leave the house to do it).
Tasks done at home (cleaning, organizing, clearing e-mail inbox).

4. Learn to say No.
Opportunity cost.
Try to anticipate their next step.

5. Use deadlines.
We need structure, we need deadlines, we need a little bit of a framework to operate within. Otherwise, we just don't do anything.
Discipline equals freedom.

Whenever you feel discouraged in life, Watch This by Gaur Gopal Das

Why should I be discouraged, when the referee has not blown the final whistle yet?

I have confidence in my team, and the managers, and we shall definitely win the match.

Really needed to hear this.
Thank u Mr. Gaur Gopal Das.