Emotional Vampires: How To Deal With Emotionally Draining People
In her book, Dr. Orloff identified these 5 signs that you’ve encountered an emotional vampire:
1) Your eyelids are heavy and you’re ready for a nap.
2) Your mood takes a nosedive.
3) You want to binge on carbs or comfort foods.
4) You feel anxious, depressed, or negative.
5) You feel put down, sniped at, or “slimed”.
How do you manage them?
1. The Narcissist
Have a "Me first" attitude.
They are not able to empathise.
How to Protect Yourself
a. Keep your expectations realistic and don’t expect reciprocity.
b. Don’t depend on their approval for your self-worth.
c. Lead with how they will benefit from something. (They are asking you for something, and you don't wanna do it, say, you know what, I'm not able to help you right now. Give me a week, and then I'll be able to give you what you want.)
2. The Victim
How to Protect Yourself
a. Confidently assert yourself. ('Thank you for your suggestion. I'll consider it.' And then do whatever you want.)
b. Focus on important issues. (Stick to the important issues only. Don't get in little power struggles. Just pick out the important issues and you're gonna set boundaries with those.)
c. Don’t try to tell them what to do.
4. The Splitter
They'll flip on you.
They feed off of anger, other people's and their own.
There's this back and forth between idealising and rage.
1. The Narcissist
Have a "Me first" attitude.
They are not able to empathise.
How to Protect Yourself
a. Keep your expectations realistic and don’t expect reciprocity.
b. Don’t depend on their approval for your self-worth.
c. Lead with how they will benefit from something. (They are asking you for something, and you don't wanna do it, say, you know what, I'm not able to help you right now. Give me a week, and then I'll be able to give you what you want.)
2. The Victim
"Poor me".
Their pain is everyone else's fault.
How to Protect Yourself
a. Don’t take on their baggage. (You don't pick up their bags, when they try to say, hey carry this.)
b. Set kind yet firm limits in conversation length and topic. (Oh, you know what, I only have five minutes to talk to you right now, or you know what we've had this conversation 12 times and so lets talk about something else.)
c. Reinforce your limits with body language and action.
3. The Controller
a. Don’t take on their baggage. (You don't pick up their bags, when they try to say, hey carry this.)
b. Set kind yet firm limits in conversation length and topic. (Oh, you know what, I only have five minutes to talk to you right now, or you know what we've had this conversation 12 times and so lets talk about something else.)
c. Reinforce your limits with body language and action.
3. The Controller
They tell you how to feel, and what to do.
You feel invalidated. What you're doing, or how you're feeling, is not right.
Never tell a controller what to do. That'll backfire.
Never tell a controller what to do. That'll backfire.
How to Protect Yourself
a. Confidently assert yourself. ('Thank you for your suggestion. I'll consider it.' And then do whatever you want.)
b. Focus on important issues. (Stick to the important issues only. Don't get in little power struggles. Just pick out the important issues and you're gonna set boundaries with those.)
c. Don’t try to tell them what to do.
4. The Splitter
They'll flip on you.
They feed off of anger, other people's and their own.
There's this back and forth between idealising and rage.
How to Protect Yourself
a. Remain emotionally neutral.
b. Set limits and stick to them.
c. Avoid taking sides.
a. Remain emotionally neutral.
b. Set limits and stick to them.
c. Avoid taking sides.
(4:55) Boundaries will be offensive sometimes. Your job is to protect your own emotional energy, not to make everybody around you happy.
http://www.drjuliehanks.com/2011/10/25/emotional-vampires-tips-for-managing-emotionally-draining-people-studio-5/
http://www.drjuliehanks.com/2011/10/25/emotional-vampires-tips-for-managing-emotionally-draining-people-studio-5/
No comments:
Post a Comment