We all like being well-liked. But if your desire of being liked costs you your needs and well-being, maybe it's time to ask yourself why.
You are just as important as any other person, and should dedicate the same amount of care and effort towards yourself.
1. Validate Yourself.
Basing your self-worth off of someone else's opinions can harm your self-esteem.
When your worth is determined by others, you can lose control of who you are.
Take some time to reflect on yourself with interest, curiosity, and respect.
When you learn how to separate what others say about you from what you think, you can have more confidence and draw validation from yourself.
2. Say No.
Maybe you avoid it because you don't want them to feel bad.
But saying no doesn't always mean you'll face a bad outcome.
Sometimes a little bit of authenticity goes a long way.
3. Take Time For Yourself.
It's ok to tell them, 'Let me get back to you'.
Many events are not urgent.
Remind yourself that it's ok to take some time to decide.
This phrase allows you to check in with yourself, or check with your schedule to make the best choice.
4. Know Where You're Going.
Take some time out of your week to evaluate or re-evaluate your short-term and long-term goals.
Questions you could ask yourself could include:
Where do I want to be in five years?
What am I doing right now to get there?
Doing so will help you narrow down the scope of things you agree to do, and help you say no to things that might not help you move closer to your goals.
5. Remove Toxic People From Your Life.
A toxic person is someone who does not respect your values and boundaries.
They overlook or overstep their lines, whether it's by asking you for things you are uncomfortable with, or that goes against your values, or simply by expecting that you'll make an exception for them.
Stay away from someone like this.
6. Stop Apologising.
Take some time and pause before apologising.
Before you say sorry, stop and ask yourself, 'Have I actually done something wrong here?'
Taking this time to think critically can make sure that you're not undermining yourself too much.
It's a gift to want to be of service, and not an inconvenience to others. But remember you are not beholden to other people's demands.
There is such a thing as physical reality and non-physical reality.
Reality is beyond what an organism can perceive.
Objective reality is the amalgamation of every subjective reality.
Grasping objective reality is dependent upon you being able to expand your perception and perspective wide enough to accommodate all subjective realities.
In order to get beyond subjective reality, you have to transcend beyond "I".
You have to be able to accommodate all subjective perspectives. Not just "yours".
We have to differentiate between objective reality and a consensus reality.
Both objective reality and subjective reality are actually really valid and important levels of reality.
We are trying to integrate subjective and objective reality.
Objective reality is a co-creation.
Objective reality must accommodate for contradictory truths. Because this Universe is multi-dimensional.
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A truth that exists at one dimension of this Universe doesn't exist at another.
The objective reality is this Universe is: Death exists. It also doesn't exist.
The main goal of awakening is to become more and more aware. The capacity to present and hold contradictory information. Free will is only possible with genuine awareness.
Our perspective must become more and more accommodating. That includes accommodating of the truth that all of us must accept that we don’t know, what we don’t know.
Your only access of power is by accepting reality.
It's only if we see the reality that our petrol gauge in our car is empty, that we can stop and fill it up with petrol.
You can only make a genuine change from inside reality.
Intentional and conscious creation of reality has a place in your life and in your spiritual practice. However it should never replace your commitment to seeing objective reality, and subjective reality.
You can continue to alter, and continue to expand your subjective reality.
There's a lot of ideas floating around the spiritual community that there is somehow some contradiction between awareness, and creating your own reality. These are the concepts that need to be integrated.
We need to be willing to create our own reality, at the same time as have complete awareness.
So face reality. It’s not a contradiction to creating your reality.
How To Be a SOFTER WOMAN *without losing who you are*
1. You first have to start within.
You have to start being soft to yourself, and have a soft inner dialogue.
When you change the internal, the external naturally comes along with it.
How are you speaking to yourself?
Create that inner softness within.
2. Let down your defences.
Do you get defensive easily?
To be a softer woman, you need to be able to let down these defences sometimes.
Get into the mindset that you don't need to prove anything to anyone, and that you are loved because of who you are.
3. Embrace vulnerability.
You should be able to open up, and show that emotion.
Not being afraid to show these emotions is one way that we soften.
A soft woman embraces these waves of emotions, and lets herself feel grief, or anger, or overwhelm, or happiness, or joy, or excitement, or whatever it is, and isn't afraid to let it out.
We don't need to hide our emotions.
Letting that vulnerability come through sometimes is one way that we soften.
4. Slow down.
Not everything is a race, and not everything is about achievements and hustle.
You don't have to rush.
This allows your nervous system to relax a bit, and feel more calm, and centred.
Be present in the task that you are doing.
Slowing down and being present will automatically make you feel like a softer woman.
5. Soften your body.
Your body and your mind are interconnected.
What happens in the mind, happens in the body, and vice-versa.
Let your body relax.
6. Conflict doesn't need to be tense.
Conflict can actually be a very healthy thing sometimes.
Challenge yourself to soften.
It is doable.
It's usually just someone feeling hurt.
7. Have empathy for others.
We do have to have boundaries, but it's good and healthy to have empathy for others.
You can see that any sort of unnecessary lashing out at you, it oftentimes boils down to a feeling of hurt or pain, and it's a reflection of something going on within themselves.
8. You have to be able to trust.
Trust that life is working out for you.
Trust that God or Universe is on your side, and is protecting you.
A lot of this hardness comes from a feeling of unsafety.
To live your happiest best life, you have to learn when to let go.
You have to learn when to surrender.
You have to learn to trust.
Sometimes not trying to control everything is one of the most powerful things that you can do, and this trust, this surrender is what's really gonna bring this softness out of you.
