TIPS FROM A HIGHLY SENSITIVE THERAPIST: OFFERING UP SELF-COMPASSION

TIPS FROM A HIGHLY SENSITIVE THERAPIST: OFFERING UP SELF-COMPASSION

In her book, Neff describes the “Three Doorways In” to self-compassion (p. 102). That is, when you’re in pain, you can do these things to be compassionate with yourself:

1. Give yourself kindness and care. This might look like telling yourself, “This really hurts! I’m sorry it’s so hard right now.” and then taking good care of yourself--a hot bath, a favorite movie, talking to a loved one, snuggling with a pet.
2. Remind yourself that pain is universal and part of the human experience. This might mean using that self-talk to say, “It’s ok. You’re not alone in going through this. It may feel really awful right now, but other people have and will get through this, and you will too.”
3. Hold your thoughts and feelings in mindful awareness. This step means noticing without fully buying into those thoughts and feelings, such as, “I’m having the thought that I failed” (verses saying “I am a failure”) or “I’m having the feeling of being really sad right now.” The most important and hardest part of this step is then letting the thought or feeling stay there until it passes. Because it absolutely will pass, no matter how certain you may be that it won’t. And, notice (with a huge sigh of relief) when it does pass.

Secondly, I love this mental refrain that Neff tells herself when she’s struggling:

    This is a moment of suffering.

    Suffering is a part of life.

    May I be kind to myself in this moment.

    May I give myself the compassion I need (p. 119).

May we all give ourselves kindness and compassion today.

Thank you for this beautiful article!