Understanding Your Emotional Style - Julie Hanks

Which of the following best describes you?

1) I want to be closer to others than they want to be. I worry that the people I love will leave me. When I share my true feelings it overwhelms others.

2) Others want to be closer to me than I am comfortable with. I'd rather depend on myself than on others. I prefer to keep my feelings to myself.

3) It's easy for me to be close to others. I have many people that I can depend on. I can say directly how I feel and what I want in my relationships.

 Three Common Emotional Styles

1. Worried style

You want close relationships but often feel not good enough, fear abandonment, and feel overwhelmed by your emotions. You have a difficult time saying goodbye or being separated from loved ones.

2. Guarded style

You value independence more than close relationships, you have difficulty knowing and sharing your emotions and needs, and you prefer not to rely on others. Others regard you as somewhat distant.

3. Confident style

This is kind of the goal.
You can easily develop emotionally close relationships, you feel deserving of love, and you recognize that saying "goodbye" is a natural part of relationships. You can express your emotions and needs directly in your relationships.

Developing A Confident Emotional Style

If you're worried:

1. Seek solitude.

Practice being alone. Seek solitude. Get to know yourself, so you are comfortable in your own skin.
2. Practice self-soothing.

When you feel emotionally overwhelmed, to have ways to calm yourself down. Breathing exercises, Recognizing the thoughts you're having.
3. Take emotional "step back".

4. Seek consistent relationships.
5. Express feelings & needs.

Be more specific about the emotion, and what you want.

If you're guarded:

1. Seek connections
2. Practice self-awareness
3. Take emotional risks
4. Seek nurturing relationships

People who are emotionally available.
5. Express feelings & needs